The Gift of Good Decision Making

My husband bought a house one day while I wasn't around. Just days before this, we made a downpayment and signed a contract for a 4-plex. I was surprized that he would now buy a house without my knowledge. But, hey, he's the head of the house. Right?

There was a time when I really didn't care to know about our personal finances. We were doing well. I trusted my husband implicity to make our financial decisions. We lived very comfortably. He seemed to know what he was doing.

I'll have to admit that at times, I thought he was trying to kill me (metaphorically speaking), because every time he bought rental houses or mobile homes, it meant more work. We spent years repairing, painting, hiring contractors, maintaining properties, advertising and showing vacancies, dealing with tenants, evicting deadbeat renters and suing for damages.

So, even though I wasn't involved in all of the decision making, I was intimately involved in the work produced by those decisions. Both of us were overwhelmed, sometimes, by the workload.

My husband had an insatiable appetite for more, it seemed. He was running himself ragged. I didn't know at the time that he was sick (bi-polar). He had always been a leader, a go-getter, someone who "made it happen." But now he was reckless. His behavior became erratic, unpredicatable.

In the height of his heyday, tragedy struck. His sister died. He went through the motions of the funeral, then took to the bed. I'd call home from work, but couldn't reach him on our home phone, or his cell. I'd call his mom or sister...and they'd go beat on the door until he got up and answered. My husband was in a very dark place, for a very long time.

Then the unthinkable happened—he had a stroke. I had many responsibilities and tough decisions to make, and the one person I leaned on for decision making was incapacitated. It was a nightmare.

As he recovered from the obvious side-affects of stroke, his behavior became increasingly troubling. He stayed up for forty-eight hours and spray painted all his mobile homes. He spent hundreds of dollars on plants for the family homestead, and hundreds more on light fixtures (because they were on sale at Lowe's and you never know when you'll need them). When I found a loaded gun in the bottom drawer of his dresser, I started reaching for help.

Anyone who has an ill family member knows the chaos I'm talking about. Sometimes there seems to be no remedy. Certainly there is no "quick-fix."

If I could give the Christian women of the world one thing, it would be the ability to make good decisions. What happens to the human body when it is decapitated? Likewise, what happens to the home when the head of the house is so direly affected by brain illness (bi-polar disorder), or brain injury (stroke), or both?

Christian husbands and wives are blessed when they follow a godly pattern for their lives. Truly it is a blessing when your familial head is a mature Christian, who has his family's best interest at heart. Yet, Christian women should not bury their heads in the sand. There are predators out there, disease and tragedy, that can threaten the very existense of the warm cocoon they're living in.

Christian wives, are you living blissfully in the assumption that your husband will always be there to take care of you?

If any Christian husbands are reading this, I implore you to think about what will happen to your family if something happens to you. Will your wife be able to live in the manner she has grown accustomed to? Will she be able to make adequate personal and financial decisions? Who will she turn to for help? You could give her a wonderful gift this Christmas: the wisdom, knowledge and strength to carry on should something happen to you. Help her to know how to make important decisions, because life is uncertain, and you never know when she might need those skills.