Boundaries

After my mom died, I would sit up all night long wishing someone would tell me it's time to go to bed.

I think of this whenever I'm reminding my son to do his homework, clean his room, take out the trash, and yes, go to bed. He needs to know that I have expectations for his behavior and comportment. Whether he understands it now, or not, he needs limitations. He needs boundaries.

I know good child rearing is complicated, and cannot be reduced to one principle. But when I see a child out of control—one who cannot control his anger or his desires—I cannot help but think of my own mother reminding me of bedtime; or standing in my bedroom door with a switch in hand and demanding that I clean my room; or taking me to the mirror and proclaiming, "Look how beautiful you are! Why would you want to ruin that with make-up?" when I wanted to look like other girls.

While I don't believe in clipping a child's wings, or hindering them from finding out the hard way, I do think ample guidance is needed along the way. It's important to teach kids how to think, not just what to think.