Thinking Out Loud

One of the things I enjoy about blogging is the thinking out loud. It's kind of therapeutic...even if no one else ever reads it.

The problem is, I tend to give too much personal information. I'm really not an emotional exhibitionist. But I can get carried away.

So if anyone else reads my blog--and you think I'm giving TMI--please drop me a note. Thanks!

Inertial Damper

I lifted the following comments from an article in GQ magazine. The writer told about an actor who has no set goals for his career (I've edited out certain references, but kept the gist of the comments): If you don’t commit to a goal, you don’t have to worry about what you’re doing, or not doing, to make it come true....About the choices you’re making and the ones you’re letting time and inertia and other people make for you. Maybe hanging back is less scary than committing to something that might turn out to be beyond you.

I'm ashamed to admit how often I am in this very frame of mind. Afraid to set a goal. Afraid to fail. Afraid to achieve. What is it about? Am I afraid to see my own limitations? Or more worried that others will see me and judge? Whatever the case...I don't want forces stronger than my own will to propel me into the future because I lack the courage to consciously choose my own future.

In the words of singer/songwriter Justin Furstenfeld "...my decision paved the road that lies in front of me." And since I don't like my present road a whole lot these days, I'm just going to have to build a new one. By the grace of God, I will.

A Woman's Purpose

Let's say a woman has been living for somebody else her entire adult life. Her husband's dreams have become her purpose in life. At least what she thought she knew of those dreams. And then a troubling thing happens: the man's dreams become distorted by mental illness. What does she do? Does she say to him, "Honey, when I vowed 'in sickness and in health,' that did not include crazy?" Or how about, "Sweetheart, 'for better or worse' was not meant to cover blatantly destructive behavior?"

I read somewhere that when one writes about a subject, she should not leave the topic open-ended. In other words, she should offer a solution to the problem she presents for consideration. Well, I'm going to break that rule. (Since I'm all about breaking rules these days.) I'm working on a solution for this dilemma. I'm just not there yet.

So, back to my original train of thought. How does a woman who is accustomed to living for someone else start living for herself? And once your life is melded with another, can you ever truly go back?

Not you typical blogging post, I know. But this is where I am for now.

Blogging Again

How does one start again? It's been almost a year since my last post. Lots of things have transpired since then. A recap might be in order....but I think I'll pass. At any rate, here I am again.